I never thought I would be doing this. I mean, the thought had crossed my mind hundreds of times in the last several years to move back to Florida, but I never serioulsy considered it. Even with all the pain and hardship I have been through in Atlanta, I always felt like I needed to stay. I have been, after all, convinced that my suffering has been growing me in ways I needed; ways i couldn't even see. I have known that my relationship with God was becoming my very heart. And I have clung to knowing that was his purpose. Yet now I find myself in a new place. A place where the door is opened to what feels good; or at least better. A place where it looks like things are meant to change. Could it be? After countless days of quiet drudgery could there be something else, something different, that is finally meant to begin? I always knew I was in a season. But when a season continues so long you have trouble remebering how it felt to be in any other, it feels like it is not a season, it is your life. Today, getting a glimpse of sunlit Florida, I am reminded that seasons change. And perhaps I am actually on the brink of a new one.
Not to say that I am all sighs and smiles. Plenty of worries have pounded me, as can often happen, regarding a possible home in a place I used to long to leave. Can I handle all that could be? Can I.... My questions and concerns often begin this way, I have noticed. "I". Have I forgotten to consider that there is Someone bigger than me over my life? Have I forgotten it is not up to me to have the strength...the power...the peace. My amount of worry shows that clearly I have. Clearly I do. But more and more I come back to the understanding that God is real. His presence in me and my life, indellible and deep. And if strangely enough he doesn't want me to worry, if he is confident and unafraid... and if, when looking to him I feel his peace, then my goodness, why choose anything else for myself?
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