A Step at a Time

Do you ever look back and wonder what happened? There is a situation in my life that is taking time to be completley healed. Considering the details it is understandable to me. But I guess I had still hoped it would look different in the end. Of course, i don't feel this is the end. And I remind myself of a deep yet quiet knowing of more. In any case, only time and God...
Nonethless, i have learned and continue to learn a great deal that will go with me, and I believe be of true value to others as well. Even the allowance of all of this, it too can make sense in some small way, already. I will still believe that what is Good will totally win out. And I will see more good in all that happened, than I can at this point. I really believe this.

On another note, I am recognizing the limited nature of our ability to plan and be in control. Specifically I am talking about my upcoming move, and my previous understanding of how I thought my life would run. I guess I had it all figured out. I would continue to hang in there in Atlanta until things changed - I got the job, I met the person, etc. Logically that made sense. But after a while what made sense didn't feel good. And after much waiting, it only felt worse. Now I feel the kindess of God to finally let me do what just feels better. Yet I am still left with the fact that this is not how i had planned things and I can't make sense out of it. Where will i go from here? Don't I need to plan how this fits into the big picture? The problem with that, is I can't. After many attempts to figure it out, the truth is I have no clue how this fits into everything I know in my gut, that I will do and be a part of. And so I am forced to take it a step at a time. Hm. A step at a time. Something so easy, yet something we make so difficult and complicated. In some way, while I can't figure it out and be in control, while this frightens me and sends me spinning, it also calms me deeply; in a way i am not used to. It is about giving myself permission to have an easier existence and know Someone else will do the rest for me.

From now I am working hard at surrendering in new ways. Oh the irony of working hard to surrender.