A Day on the River

Yesterday I had the pleasure of being taken out on a boat and learning how to fish. It was a windy day which made for a chilly trip overall, but it was beautiful being out on the large lake and being immersed in a different side of Vero. With great enthusiasm and pride, I caught my first two fish - one Sheepshead one Catfish. I never expected to enjoy fishing since I can't stand the thought of an animal being hurt, but there is something fun about the challenge; and i'm fine with it as long as I can throw the suffering creature back in before it dies. I also got to see two dolphins swimming near us, and I got to feed live fish to pelicans (something I also didn't think I would do, but I figure I need to loosen up, right?)

I have been thinking about the fact that sometimes we an tell immediately how someone is being used in our lives. Other times we can't tell at all until years down the road. Then there are times when we see some of it clearly today, but know we will still see more later. These are the times we can only get so much where we are at the moment, and hidsight then completes the picture. But I love looking for the goodness of what is currently happening; to know that that's what counts, and to anticipate more neat things. It becomes clearer one step at a time.

For many years of my life I have been leaning on and trying to manufacture my own strength. Considering how tired I often am emotionally, how worn down and fatigued, it shows me this fact. I now love meditating on the verse: "My power is made perfect in weakness...therefore I will boast the more gladly about my weakness so that Christ's power may rest on me." Now I want to even wait for his power, rather than try and try and try, while showing God I choose to focus on "me." I realize what I sometimes thought I was doing to please God, actually came from a place of fear; a nagging need to control and manage life for myself. Instead, maybe it is simply our steadfast looking to him, our daring to trust him and our surrendering, that matter much more than our dogged efforts and attempts at control.

It is just the beginning of learning how to let myself be, focusing only on him and not within (in attempts to figure things out). It is only the start of seeing my "pleasing" for what it often was (for myself or for other people even) and being easier on myself as God is. But I love that it is all at least beginning.