It All Hits Home (and a new job?)

It hit home to me a few days ago. As I walked away from this new church I had just discovered, I realized I really was going to leave Atlanta and start a new season of my life in Vero. Suddenly, Atlanta didn't seem as bad to me. I remembered everything I love about the city. I thought of the friends I could easily call to hang out, friends who had now become like family to me. And I even considered the usual spots I would go to eat (go figure I think about food, right?). I felt like I was getting ready to leave my home. And what about this new home? It comforted me that I did not have to be there permanently, but what about my time there...would I be happy? Even with all that I was missing? It seems I would be missing so much. That was the first night I shed a few tears at the thought of moving.

But the job prospect, oh let me fill you in on the job prospect...this church has been in a big search for a youth pastor/director to develop their struggling and meager youth group. They want someone to build up the program, create a structure and curriculum, lead the time and mentor the kids; basically do it all. Phew! It sounds like a lot to handle especially for someone new at youth groups. But it sounds so cool. I love working with teens, I love creating new parts to a ministry, and I love that I could decide it all. And let's not overlook the exciting fact that I will finally be getting paid for ministry work! Oh, has the day come? :) Not to say I am not truly intimdated by the whole thing, or have my own concerns...I do. But maybe that is what excites me about it too. Of course, now as I wrap up I must say that hopefully I haven't written all this before finding out I don't actually have the job. I guess my hopes are pretty high because they told me enthusiastically that I was their top pick, and they felt like God had brought me to them. Then the fact they want me to meet the kids when I return makes it look good. At the same time, if for some reason it doesn't happen I truly feel okay with that too. Whatever is best for this time in my life, and only God knows that, I am sure will end up happening.

In any case, I left feeling speechless. I am so accustomed to hearing people tell me they don't need anyone, or being vague in general with me, that I didn't know what to think about this church that seemed to want me there so badly. I was quiet as I thought about committing to a serious job, in Vero of all places. And I was silent as I considered the fact that my life really was going to change...something wonderful, something exciting...yet something scary and uncomfortable. Lord, is this really what you want for me? This is not what I had planned. And my future? Okay Jade, God has got you; just go with it. One step at a time.