Security in the Stillness

I have much on my mind as there are only a few days left here. Much on my mind from the years I've been here, and much on my mind about returning to FL. The potential for worry, or even simply restless thinking, is continuous. But once again, I am attempting to put it all in line with this new season. And to put it all in its place.

Each morning I try to start off in complete silence and mental rest for at least a few minutes. I used to be awful at things like this, as you could imagine from someone whose mind is going non stop. And someone who thought that having time with God meant doing something - talking to him or reading about him, etc. But after many years of an empty schedule and silence that I could not avoid, I have become better at it. No more than that...the depth of pain I had experienced the first few years drove me to a depth with God I had never known. It quiets me to be more silent, which is then, where I get to meet with him. In any case, I have found that sitting in the quiet - just letting myself breathe and consider the peace around me, always has a profound and tender impact on my day. While we can think it is doing nothing, we are then to remember we are not put here to just "do."

But even this morning as i tried to sit still I had all my usual thoughts coming in, staying a while, going out and remaining. I had pictures and images and what ifs and what i needed to get done this week. I even considered the fact that i wanted to write another entry! ... Then I breathed. I reminded myself that in the big picture, none of this stuff really matters. None of it is so big that it is going to swallow me up. Sometimes overthinking and especially worry can make things feel enormous to us. When in reality they are small, do not have the power to hurt us, and are not worth the energy.

I have cared too much what others think. And I am soaking in the fact that God is the only one who has authority over me and an opinion that matters. I have made things bigger in my mind by letting the dwelling continue, when the only thing that matters is finding my security in the stillness.