Here in FL

Well, it's been a little over a week since I've been in this warm, calm area and I am glad to say that it feels really good. There are a few people my age here who tend to complain about this quiet town. But for someone who has spent almost 6 years in a big city, this is a wonderful change of pace. I am loving the restful nature here, the warm weather, the sunny days, and my mother's collection of two cats and a dog. Yea, it feels good being here.

Next Sunday will be the first time I meet the youth (and other members) at Lakewood Park United Methodist Church. They are having a get to know you pizza party for me. I am so dang curious about them. :)

I am still dealing with all the things I have written about earlier - not thinking too much, remembering how big God is, letting go and living in the present. These are ingrained habits that will only slowly lessen inside of me. But I continue to come back to them and be comforted by them, and I think that is what counts.

I remember today that God is the one who does the work in me...without me helping him. Many of us even subconsciously believe that he needs or wants our help. Maybe if we try harder. That one comes back to me a lot. Aren't I supposed to be making sure this is right? Or that I am not supposed to do something else? Or, as I had brought up earlier, aren't I supposed to work to develop into the person I know I can be? Boy, that one is hard for me. I have this image and feeling of strong peace inside that points to the woman I was created to be. But I do not always feel the strength to be that or maintain that. And i keep thinking I can't let myself be weak. The thing with that is, how can I ever know how much i need God if I am not weak? How can I ever know how it is God's strength that can provide more richly for me? And most of all, how can I ever know the gracious, powerful love of my best friend if I never feel like I can just be?

Lately I have been letting myself just be, and it makes me feel good and really uncomfortable or scared at the same time. But God is too big for me to be scared; too soveriegn for me to think I can escape him (and his plans) as I welcome him. I remind myself that he has got me more than covered. And he wants my rest.

What it comes down to, is that for once I don't want to live out of fear or make any decision out of fear, anymore. And for once, I want to watch him do it all. God help me! :)